First impressions are important. When a child is placed in a new foster home, they are on high alert. They are likely in a trauma response from being removed or moved. The first few nights can have a real impact on how a child copes with their new surroundings. So, how do you make the transition a little less overwhelming? Below you will find some helpful tips to welcome children into your home.

Before Placement:

Tip 1: Create a Personal Area the Child can Call Their Own

This may not be an entire room to themselves, but a bed, counter space, and room for their clothes or few possessions is critical. They need to feel like they hold space in your home. They may be a temporary placement, but they should still feel like they belong.  

Having a small space can allow for a place the child can go to help them regulate themselves if things get overwhelming. If they don’t already, show them that they can go to their personal space to take a breath and be left alone. Avoid using their space as punishment. This needs to be a place of refuge when they feel their world is out of their control.

Tip 2: Prepare Their Rooms or Bathrooms with Items They May Not Want to Ask For

It can be incredibly difficult to ask for things in a new home. Try to have items like toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, soap, clean towels, and even feminine hygiene products always stocked up. A small selection of clean clothes, pajamas, and underwear can help alleviate having to ask. It can feel embarrassing to the child if they don’t have some of those basic things.

Tip 3: Familiarize Yourself with Your Child’s Background

If you have the luxury of time, learn as much as you can about them. Case notes and social workers may not have all the answers, but it is still important to know what to ask. Some questions can help you tailor your welcome routine to their needs.

Aside from age and gender, here are some important questions to ask:

Why is the child in care?

How long has the child been in foster care, and how many placements have they had?

Is this the first time the child has been in foster care?

Are there any siblings, and what are their living arrangements?

Are there any medical needs that need to be addressed or understood?

Is the child from the local area?

Will they need to be enrolled at the local school, or are they staying in a previous school?

Are there any learning disabilities you should be aware of?

Are there any emotional or behavioral issues that you should know of?

The Day of Placement

Tip 4: Meet at Neutral Location If Possible

It can be helpful to meet somewhere outside of the home when possible. Meeting at a neutral area like a park for young kids, or a coffee shop for older ones can be a less intimidating introduction.

Tip 5: Be Patient

Be compassionate and open, without expecting or forcing the child to bond with you right away. Give them patience and understanding as they sort through a rush of new emotions and concerns. Let them know that you are there for them, but don’t force them to talk or show affection until they are ready.

Tip 6: Mi Casa, Es Su Casa

Show them where those items you stocked for them can be found before they have to ask. Let them know that they can use those items whenever they need to. Let them know that you can bring more if they need it.

Tip 7: The Gift of Time- Allow Room for Trust to Grow

Give them the gift of time. Your time, personal time, time to adjust, time to bond, and even a time to test you. Each child has a timeline of their own, and you need to let them show you theirs.  

While some children show affection immediately, some may keep their distance. While some come with a “honeymoon phase” where everyone is on their best behavior, some want to get their fears confirmed as soon as possible. If a child has known nothing more than indifference or violence, the suspense of waiting for the shoe to drop can be more terrifying than the abuse itself.  

When a child can instigate the abusive reaction they expect, they at least have control over it.  Understanding that they may not be able to believe this situation is different can allow you to push through until they learn to relax in your home.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, we thank you for opening your home to children in foster care. For more support, check out these resources HERE.